Crowds Demand Deep Fried Butter Sticks and Simple Games Between RNC Carnival Hate Speeches

Cleveland played host to the Republican National Convention this week where Donald Trump became the official Republican nominee. As thousands flocked to Quicken Loans Arena to hear a star studded lineup featuring Scott Baio and the cast of Duck Dynasty, Todd Simmons, director of Carnival Midways, set up shop just outside.

Simmons states, "We travel all over the country, but we never miss a chance for a Republican National Convention Carnival. Every four years we set another record for profits during the four day event, but this year has been absolutely incredible. These are very simple people. Somehow even more so this year. All we did was draw Trump arrows on the ground and they just waddle from booth to booth and give us their money. After a day of hate speeches these people just want to relax with a nice deep fried stick of butter and a simple game where they can try to throw darts at Hillary balloons."

The director does admit that this year his games needed to dumbed down a bit more than usual. "Really any game with more than one simple directive is off limits for this crowd. Again these are very simple people. They know which colors to boo at and when to chant USA and when to say, 'One nation, under God', but if you have a game with multiple steps and any sort of critical thinking, their eyes just kind of glaze over and they start drooling a bit. You have to snap them out of it by whispering 'Black Lives Matter' into their ears. This year we've tried to stick to throwing darts at different things and ring tosses."

RNC delegates and fans aren't the only ones to participate. Multiple Senators, Governors and public figures have been seen wandering the carnival after their hate speeches. "I don't think it is a surprise to anybody that Chris Christie cut the line at the Fried Butter Stand after his witch hunt. He built up a pretty strong sweat during his hate speech. But he kept it going at the stand, and he actually conditioned the audience to take a bite with him every time they yelled, 'Guilty!' Just incredible. We didn't even pay him to do that."

The directors goes on to add, "And if you walk around for a while, you'll eventually run into Ben Carson. After everybody entered the carnival, we put up Hillary signs at the exits to deter people from leaving. I think Ben has been trapped in here for three days now. He slowly walks around eating churros and quietly mumbling about Lucifer. He does play the games when the arrows guide him to a booth though. So that's good."  

Asked if he'll be back four years from now, Simmons states, "Of course. Carnivals and hate speeches go hand in hand. We are the yin to their yang. If there is another Republican National Convention after this one, we'll be there. It's been a great few days, and we couldn't ask for simpler guests to please, but I must admit, it will be nice to get away from the hate speeches for a while. Plus, I think it's time to let Ben Carson out. Until next time."

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