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Todd Adams - Graduate of Trump University

Todd Adams - Graduate of Trump University

Trump University Graduate Doing Well - Preparing For Promotion to Shift Lead at the Avocado Picking Farm

June 02, 2016 by Jeff Holwell in politics

Todd Adams, a former graduate of Trump University and fervent Trump supporter, clutches his golden inlaid diploma proudly and grins as he approaches Probably Legit for an exclusive interview during his three minute break from avocado picking.

Adams reports, "Things sure are swell here. Mr. Trump educated me real good."  The 38 year old former Dairy Queen employee immediately dismisses all allegations of fraud and scandal in regards to the controversial university, and instead  gushes, "I remember the staff there was just so friendly and helpful. They showed me how to pay for the schoolin' with three different credit cards, and I even got the grand prize of two jugs of sweet tea and ten whole Trump steaks for bein' able to pay for it all at once."

The graduate believes the $35,000 tuition to be reasonable, and was happy to max out three credit cards to pay for his education, claiming, "The price weeds out all them non-dedicated folks. And like they said in class - at the end of the day it is just 3.5 million pennies to be as bright and successful as Mr. Trump." Adams winks, "I find a penny almost every single day."

The Florida native appears unconcerned that his degree has not been put to use thus far, and that he now spends 14 hours a day picking avocados on a farm co-owned by Donald Trump and a former professor. Adams states, "I was so blessed to be picked for this incredible internship. Now my professor can keep mentorin' my real estate learnin' in this 'Avocados to Skyscrapers' advanced course. Trump University wanted to award my hard work and my business savvy. Thank you Jesus!"

Adams' only complaint seems to stem from the largely Hispanic workforce that picks avocados alongside him. "Things are looking up for ole Todd, but damnit to hell, these illegal alien rapists are taking over. Just a matter of time before they take all of our good jobs. The idiots don't even speak enough American to say my name right. They call me 'Chingate'. I can't wait for President Trump to send these criminals back over the wall where they belong and make America great again."

Asked for his final thoughts on Donald Trump and his experience at Trump University, Adams beams with pride and says, "The man has given me so much. My professor told me if I recruited two more of my family to be tutored here on the farm, I would be a shoo in for a promotion to Avocado Mogul - Shift Lead. After that, just five more years, and then next stop New York City! Heehaw! He made me great again, and he'll make this country great again too!"  

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June 02, 2016 /Jeff Holwell
politics
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